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The Journal of Kyanan Ophanes
in the inside cover: I think I should start keeping a journal again. Not sure why; just feels like something I should be doing. Well, now I know why. It's what I do. Herein lies the continuing tales of Kyanan Thundertoker, how I came back to life once more as the amalgamate being Kyanan Ophanes, how Merryk Tzadur (the other half of that amalgamate) sacrificed himself to let me live, and my further journies through the land of Orthos. Year 204 177th Day of the Year (Summer) We have decided to go deal with the beholders. Piper Snow blessed the town's well water so they could defend against vampires. The holy water burned my skin and made me recoil in agitation. I have no clue why. It's never happened to me before. Someone suggested I was fallen. I wasn't even fallen when I was under my father's sway. I've borrowed a history book to figure out if I've lost any time. They use a different calendar system than the one I knew. We look for people who have travelled south and we find Jeff the Elf. He says he changed his name. I think he should have chosen better. We have decided to deal with the vampires, instead. 183rd Day of the Year I've come to a disturbing conclusion in my research. I've lost over two hundred years. I remember throwing off my father's control over me. I was teleported, I think. There was a bright flash. Then I ran into that tabaxi who told me about the town. Was I teleported to the future? That's impossible. We can write that off. Have I lost my memory? My natural lifespan doesn't extend that long. Maybe the Undying Light has kept me alive past my prime? Or I died fighting my father. But if I was just rez'd... the timing... it's been too long for any known spell to work... 192nd Day of the Year We meet up with Elder Squirrel Morwen. Piper uses a flute to talk to them. Apparently, he took the throne after Tpastameoo left with Fancy Pants Arwen. The ravens, led by Poe, support Tpastameoo. Poe: Tpastameoo rightful. Will have war again! Ravens honour blood! Fancy Pants: Do squirrels honour blood? Poe: Apparently not. Ravens and crows and magpies kill Morwen, allowing Tpastameoo to take his place. I don't really agre with any of this, but The War of the Acorns would make for a good ballad. Cawing in the sky/as the squirrel began to cry/as they pecked out his eyes... I'll work on it. Maybe. I'm not as into writing music as I used to be. Maybe the humours in my head are out of balance. 197th Day of the Year The forest is thick. Piper made a trap. Fancy Pants is going to hang in a tree like a fruit. I might call him Fruity from now on. Not that I'm opposed to druidism. It's just because he was hanging like one. The bird Odin is pretty cool. 198th Day of the Year We are attacked by a man-bat. Piper is infected. He said something weird about the Ein Soph. I felt a weird spasm in my chest. Piper got a vision showing that we had to drown him in running water. It hurt me being in there. Was I in Hell? He seemed dead. Then there were some spirits. I was distracted. Because I saw a vision of my father's plan in the water. I... need to... visit my grave. Pipes woke up screaming, "A flaming sack of potatoes!" Something about the Angel of Twilight. Again, I'm a bit distracted. Since, I'm dead. Or was. Something. Maybe the grave is fake. We came upon a demonic shrine leading underground. Pipes detected no magic but an old script. Seems like a madman's writing. Not sure what turned a succesful coven into Ekimara. We find a sacrificial altar covered in decades of blood. Some representation of a horny creature with fangs. Legend says typical stuff. They cum sic in the night, some "chosen one" stabs the shit out of them while they sleep. Pipes cut his hand and put his blood in a cup. The Ekimara drinks it. His wounds heal, his teeth receed. Naked human man. Corrupt soul. Name Alexander? I've been drinking too much wine. I don't even like wine. This guy knows Six? Knew Six. He's dead. I killed him? Agents of Chaos. Direoth? Pieces of Calumet? I need sleep... 203rd Day of the Year We arrived in Southland or S-Town. Pipes talked to the mayor and got some money. These guys, surprisingly, have gold. Billy's back. Billy prefers Bill. The healed coven joined up with another good one. We met Billy because we were investigating a thunderous sound, but he didn't hear anything. We surmised it was the sound of him teleporting in. Me and Fruity go to the Burning Loins tavern and I refill my wine. Northeast side of town is the location of their graveyard. We stopped by Fuity's old orphanage and he slapped the elf bitch in charge so hard we heard something snap. He went invisible and I hid. We made our way to the library to meet up with our comrades. Fruity tries to lie to them about why the town bell is ringing, but he is too drunk to be convincing. I tried to charm Beatrice the half-orc librarian, but it doesn't work. Fruity and I go to the cemetary to lie low. I check the names of the graves, but don't find my name. I didn't expect to. The orphanage elf is now in asylum. She apparently didn't die. There was something about a painting. Billy gave it to the asylum for some reason. Even though it's cursed. Side note, the apothecary is run by an old man named Steve who is married to a twenty-one year old. I think he's my new role model. 204th Day of the Year We decided to find Idor Nask to replace the elf at the orphanage. 205th Day of the Year We went to the Feywild and found Idor's treehouse. Dude has massive spectacles. We climb up. I bet this guy had some dank herb and I was right, but it was in brownie form. I ate one and my head exploded. He got it from Odin and it had a bit of Ysgard in it, so I rez'd almost immediately. Or maybe it's because I'm the Thundertoker, I don't know. Apparently, Idor used to date the orphanage lady, but he refuses to help with any of it. My team came to the conclusion that if she got laid, she might be kinder to the orphans. Which doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but I'm going to take one for the team. 208th Day of the Year I tried to fuck the old lady. Couldn't get into the asylum, no matter what we tried. Fools kept trying to get in, even though the city government would probably take care of all of this. Billy and I started to leave. They followed with much salt. And for some Bard-forsaken reason, when we were scott-free, Fruity decided to set the orphanage on fire. We hightailed it after that bit of arsony. Now, I'm all for arsony...when it's not burning innocent orphans to death. 216th Day of the Year We stop to see the squirrels. Tpastemeoo's head is on a spike. Poe is dea. No more ravens. This song took a dark turn. Well, darker. Morwen is back on the throne. I guess his death didn't take. They started throwing acorns at us. Fruity burned him to death. I'm really starting to worry about this guy. Odin stays behind. Pipes called us the Brotherhood of the Black Dragon and threatened them all unless they became communists. 224th Day of the Year We make it back to Oakenpatch. We get news that the fire roared through S-Town. Two-thirds of the town was destroyed. It burned for 22 hours. One-third of the orphans died. 241st Day of the Year We arrived at Monument Village. This was where Six o'Clock was defeated. Fruity wants to go to a barber shop. Probably to burn it down. The village is bigger than I remember. The monument is of me and my old companions. Bernard the monk is cleaning it. I confess my lost time to them. Then I hear Bird Buddy is still alive, so I go up the mountain to embrace him. I need to jog his memory, since it's been so long, but he remembers me in the end. He probably didn't recognize me because of my black horn. He still likes star fruit and shinies, but he is now an immortal in pain. Something called an Aspect of Chaos. It just occurred to me that my brother Deak has been dead for centuries. We discuss going to Hammersforge to speak with Freddie, but we would have to go to S-Town to do that. Someone coined the term arceny (stealing from someplace you set on fire). When we reached the bottom of the mountain, I found my grave and dug down. I retrieved my wand and felt my own bones. So, this is a new body. Then the fuckers dug my body up. They couldn't leave well enough alone. Seems to be a running theme. They have lots of questions, but I have the same ones. I can't give them answers. Fruity tried to take my body, but at least the others had the decency to insist my body remain there. 259th Day of the Year We see a death tyrant in the distance raising undead. It looks like one of Six o'Clocks old generals. 276th Day of the Year We came across a druidic shrine. The druid that built it was named O'Kief. We got a message from Fir'n. 279th Day of the Year Charred Ekimara body. We continue through the forest, seeing necrotic damage to the trees. Beam marks. Remnants of Ekimara bodies shredded apart. 281st Day of the Year We hear weird noises. 282nd Day of the Year Trees are shredded by magic and cannon fire. Silhouettes have beams attacking the walls. Humanoid silhouettes. We rush for it. We fight some canons. It's awesome. We enter the village. Captain of the guard says, "Ballsy move." We arrive in Portland. Waning Wench's doors are locked. Radiant light from Pipes spear as he stabs it into the ground. There may be a way to get to Freddie and back. 283rd Day of the Year Breakfast at town square. Some wierdo got after a goliath for taking more food than he needs. He punched him. The dude tried to catch the fist. He beat him. Captain of the guard showed up. I tried to command ''him to leave. It didn't work. Fruity is now calling himself Darach, for some reason. He's freaking me out, so I sing. "I see what's happening here/You're face to face with evil and it's strange/You don't even know how to feel/It's fucked up!/And it sucks to see good people can be changed-" I was stopped with the news. Arwen. Darach. Whatever he's calling himself. He has a bounty on his head. For burning down S-Town and killing all of those people. Hand Cannon, a bounty hunter, joins us to fight the beholderkin. We travel through a hidden village and got the cold shoulder from the residents. 304th Day of the Year We came across a bunch of decayed, corpse-like bodies. Something shambling approached, making moaning noises. He waves, his jaw broken. I try to ''cure wounds his jaw and it gets worse. So, undead. Pipes "healed" him with necrotic energy. He's a bandit who attacked the village. This undead bandit is trying to leave.He went through Midheld. I ask why he's undead. He asks why I'm alive. I say cuz I haven't died or been brought back by necromancy. Billy said, "That's debatable." Fair enough. The undead tugged his dick off. That's rough. Apparently, there are undead shenanigans going down in the southeast. Fruity is talking to the bounty hunter, getting chummy. Oh, the irony. 324th Day of the Year Where there was grass, now there is sand and crevices big enough for bodies. I find tracks, like someone dragging balls and footprints going west. 354th Day of the Year We say remains on the road. We arrived at a crossroad. On a stump sat a cloaked individual with a deer skull head. He seems to be some kind of fiend making deals. Never a good idea to accept those. I feel like I've heard of this guy in a book or something. Fruity wants to separate the vil and good inside of himself. Hand Cannon bet two-thirds of his remaining life to have some guy named John Sparrow killed. He looks very old now. I thought of an idea just as the fiend vanished. 364th Day of the Year The trail ran cold. We saw four horseman riding in the distance. They have an OakenPatch flag. Ballz is with them. They are there to arrest Fruity. I'm okay with this. Pipes is going to stab him, maybe, with his spear. Try to split his good/evil selves. Ballz fronted 200 gold to get Hand Cannon to turn Fruity over to them. Billy agrees to perform the split. There was some wibbly shit and then a dark version of Fruity appears. Dark Fruity is knocked out and dragged off to trail in S-Town. Year 205 30th Day of the Year I felt an odd, licking sensation in the night. I mumured, "Oh, Zarielle." A tongue is shoved down my throat and I wake up face-to-face with an undead. I blasted it off of me. Our camp was beset by undead lead by a death tyrant. After we took care of them, we questioned one of the undead (now renderred properly dead) with speak with dead. We had four questions. # Where is Frankenstein? He doesn't know. # Where were you going? He doesn't know, but not far. # What are your weaknesses? Radiant energy. # Are there more death tyrants? One more. We are going to see Lucan about going to see about getting to Freddie's library. We need more information. 70th Day of the Year We come across a halfling village. We mark it on the map with a 'P.' For Pygmies and Prostitutes. Must revisit at a later date. 80th Day of the Year We run into Frederick, another undead that Billy knows. He seems to be very chummy with a lot of undead. It's weird. 106th Day of the Year We find another crossroads devil. r maybe the same one, who knows? My companions say that I asked him how to create a vessel for an entity to inhabit. I don't have any memory of this. Devil Boner answered that I needed a root from Lucan's tree. They don't like this. 110th Day of the Year My companions bound me as we approached the tree. I felt fine. We met with Lucan. I tested the waters and discovered he could read my mind. That's good. He can, indeed, send us to Freddie, who can probably send us back. I telepathically ask Lucan to keep me behind so I can do something before I go. When they teleported, I burned through my bindings and grabbed a tree root. Then I shoved it waaaay up my asshole. When I arrived unbound, Pipes and Billy were rightfully suspicious. Pipes tried to detect magic but my own aura hid the root in my ass. Heh. Root in the ass. Next, he questions the pendant I wear, the vial with splinters in it. I honestly don't know why I have it or where I got it. I just liked it, so I wear it. Apparently, it has divine energy in it. He prays to his god for information on it, but nothing comes to him. I ask for it back. He refuses. So I palm it. We learn the immunities of death tyrants. Can't be poisoned, charmed, or paralyzed. Apparently, Frankenstein is the Third Child of Chaos. He resisted death tyranny, but he is a necromancy-focused scientist. He's not a proper beholder anymore. Pipes searches for any books that I've read. There's lots of books for Kyanan Redigatari. But when he asks for books read by Kyanan Ophanes, nothing turns up. Curious. I found a book with information on the other item I need for the quest I know nothing about. The vessel, thing. Perhaps I will soon discover what all of this means. I found a cosmological map that was moving, even though I wasn't high. Pipes gave a speech. It was also moving. See what I did there? He wants to save the soul of Frankenstein. Maybe in a similar way to Fruity. I think it's worth a shot. Anyone can be saved. Even me. Pipes asks Freddie if he has thoughts other than what he records. He closed his eyes and spectators appeared. Thankfully, they just started moving books around. I don't think we are going to get anything useful out of Freddie about Frankenstein's soul. I jerked it in the corner somewhere (it had been a while, sue me). I think it caused me to black out, 'cause everyone looked at me like I did something weird. I went to take a nap. I had a crazy dream, but I can't remember it. We were teleported to S-Town. I was told that some guy named Teagan was scrying me, and that he wasn't the only one. 111th Day of the Year We pop into town. A guard says we should call ahead if we are going to teleport in. He said they were a little on edge lately. Billy said, "Why? Did something burn down?" The guard was not amused. Fruity is still gone. We've come for Evil!Fruity's trial, but he hasn't arrived yet. We go get our travel passes, which have our portraits on them, captured by some new sort of illusory magic. I tell them my sign is ouroboros. We go to the bar. A twelve-year old is working there. Her parents died. Her name is Olivia. She's sweet. She left through a blue door. Some pigs came up to me, said I was being scryed on. They dispelled magic. One was hot, but he was a cop, unfortunately. 112nd Day of the Year While I was talking to Olivia, some guards came in. I stood up and put my hands behind my head. He said to put my hands down. I never had a pig say that before. Some jarl and a guy with a tentacle face came in. "Why all the penises?" I asked. "If you were in my kingdom, you would already be executed," he replied. Jarl asked about his son, Knighty Face #1. Obviously, they haven't arrived with Evil Fruit. Jarl Lorry and OCean Master, decided to leave, but Pipes made it known that he wanted the mayor of OakenPatch to be the new jarl. 113th Day of the Year We rented horses for our journey to Tenderpork. I had another weird dream that I can't remember. Pipes asked for my map to study in depth, so I lent it to him. 118th Day of the Year We see a cloaked figure. He's bleeding from everywhere. His forehead is pulsing with light. We fight and I blast him apart with eldritch blast. Olivia takes his eye. 126th Day of the Year At the edge of the continent, we come to a drawbridge guarded by an orc named Malacath. Olivia is taking the lead on this one. 128th Day of the Year We arrived in Tenderpork. It has lots of circular buildings. The gate was closed and under guard. Olivia managed to get us in. We learn that a guy named Tinkerer Tondak built the bridge we crossed. The population mostly consists of orcs and half-orcs. I tossed a gold coin to a beggar when no one was looking. As we get to the town square, we saw a dragonborn named Vaborah given a speech in Common. "Snow to ground. All must fall to black snow. We must all succumb to the shadow at the end of our lives. is crushed? under the banner of the black snow." Pipes healed someone. Many ran away, but the dragonborn was unimpressed. We get to Olivia's grandparents. They called us "snickers," and I'm like, "Hey! That's our word!" Grandfather is a rail-thin man in a wheeled chair. "This is what procreation with the Green Ones does to you," he said. I blurt out that their daughter is dead, irritated by the pussyfooting around the subject. They can't take their granddaughter because of immigration law. I asked Olivia if she wanted to come with us. Learn from all of us. She said, "That would be real nice, but I want to learn from everyone except you. Your horn is creepy." I am appalled and left the building. Pipes is off harrasing the mayor. He gets kicked out and I go out of the city to sit with him. We share a bowl. Our companions eventually join us. Olivia said something, but I was ignoring her. Pipes wants to fight the orc mayor. We make campoutside. Ballz is going south. Olivia and Billy go to the Snicker Barrel. I go to bed to sleep off the cross-fade. 129th Day of the Year A couple pigs come out. Not cuz of their tusks. Cuz they're cops. Pipes wants to go with them to make an appointment with the mayor. I though twe were going full liberators on the city, but I think that was hangover thinking. I drank too much wine. Why did I drink wine? Pipes says he wants to introduce a resolution, in Elvish. We met the others coming out of the building. They may have gotten Pipes a meeting maybe later that day. The guard won't leave us. Pipes is going to fast outside of the mayoral building. A dolled up orc woman comes out for a date with Billy. He tells her to wait for a moment. I was incredulous. We went inside and Pipes tries to seel them on the magic tablets. He'd rather use 50 gp to feed his people. The mayor tells Pipes to check his privelege. Pipes gets red in the face and leaves. I shake the mayor's hand and we all go to wait for Ballz outside of the city. 160th Day of the Year The trial just ended as I came out of my Ysgard-brownie fugue state. Some guy named Roku showed up. I'm going to call him Blue. The executioner is a dragonborn named Reinhardt. They bring out Poison Fruit and his head is smashed, not unlike a melon. Then a burst of fire happened. Everyone was gasping and yelling. Something yelled, "I will kill you all!" or something akin to that. He explodes. The Jarl shows up. He seemes very happy. Jarl gives us some wine, but I don't like wine. I fell over and the splinters in my necklace broke and entered my body. And I remember everything. I am Merryk Tzadur. They don't like this, despite my clear explanation. We are teleported back to OakensPatch. They throw me in jail! Which is idiotic! If I actusally was dangerous, I could easily break out and wreck havoc on the town they've been building for two years! ''YEah, this is silly. But not as silly as you helping Death and Daddy. ''We break out of jail. ''D'doy. 161st Day of the Year We mill about, arguing with ourself. We've decided to let Merryk take the lead. ''Not like you could stop me if you wanted to. We go to Thunder Lake, following after the party. 162nd Day of the Year I continue to argue with Merryk. You mean, I am arguing with you. This is my body. My mission. You are just a figment. A false personality. ''Well, I mean, a body is just a bunch of monads, man. I have all of my memories and personality. As far as anything matters, I am me. ''And I am me. This situation cannot continue. ''No. No, it can't. 163rd Day of the Year ''We have the root. We have the ash. But we don't want to help two of the most vile beings in the world. Right? No matter what they've promised. PRomises, I might add, that they probably won't even uphold. Assuming they even can! It's a different world! How can our Death even affect it? I have to try. 164th Day of the Year Living in your head has not been fun, Kyanan. I don't approve of your worldview. I don't like feeling all of your idiotic emotions. Your hedonistic pursuits, your unbitten lusts. You turn my thoughts from my late beloved. ''Oh, okay, Mr. Torture-torture-drinks-gross-wine. You think this has been a picnic for me? I've seen inside your head. You value freedom, but you are willing to introduce two elements who only seek to dominate. You want to give Ein Soph the freedom of death, you want freedom from your guitl. Well guess what? You are the only person who can free yourself. You're being strung along like a puppet. You made a decision. It was a bad one. People got hurt. It happens. Sometimes consequences are greater than others. But we have to live with it. Fix it if you can, but you have to forgive yourself! 165th Day of the Year ''There is only one way that this can end. Yes. And you know which way it is. 166th Day of the Year Stop writing bits of this down. ''It's for posterity. Stop fighting it. ''As soon as I have complete control and you are purged from my mind, I'm going to burn this journal! Dick. 169th Day of the Year I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I know. ... Really? Yes. I've made my decision. It's time for the endgame. 171st Day of the Year It was in the early morning when my father came for us. There was a flash and ethereal forms of Addar Redigatari and al-Wasat appeared. We leapt awake, drawing the wand made from my father's horn. I was actutely aware of Merryk inching his fingers toward our satchel where lay the ash and root. "We're here, Ophanes!" called al-Wasat in his posh, gravelly affectation. "We know you have the pieces. Now, free us from our chains! Perform the ritual!" I couldn't speak. Merryk was in control. He reached for the components, but I managed to stop him by triggering our transformation. The dark duo took that as a threat and al-Wasat raised a finger. A thin ray of green light shot forth, missing us by an inch. Instinctively, Merryk struck back, firing a couple eldritch blasts at the two. My father raised a shield, deflecting them. Al-Wasat stretched out his hands and ghostly flames leapt from their circle toward us. Merryk dodged out of the way, but the flames licked at our foot and our astral form was scorched, sending searing pain through us. I took the pain for Merryk so he could concentrate. "Come to heel, Son," said Addar, scrapping his hoof against the ground. It left no marks. They weren't fully here. If they were, I don't think we would've lasted long. Another green ray zipped past our head. Al-Wasat cackled as he flung spells at us. Merryk's retaliations kept rebounding off of my father's abjurations. I needed to sever whatever connection they were using to scry on us and harm us. And then we were hit. I don't know if we even could've dodged it. If I had to guess it was something only possible because of the preparations they made to this body. Too visualize it, picture two spheres, one is my soul and the other is Merryk's. Inbetween was a smaller sphere that was pulling at both, trying to tear them apart. Between the two souls, it couldn't destroy them completely, but it wracked us with unimaginable pain. We fell to the ground, writhing in agony. Addar and al-Wasat could not approach physically, rooted to their window into the Prime Material Plane, but we could feel their presence pushing in on us, suffocating us. "Your efforts are wasted, Ophanes," said al-Wasat, sadistic glee dripping from his voice. "You are ours. Perform the ritual, or suffer forever. Do not forget the deal we made. You are bound to us!" "No," said Merryk through gritted teeth. He struggled to push himself up so he could look at them. "I'm done with your chains. I'm done with my chains. Kyanan Redigatari would not willingly give in to you. He'd rather fail doing the right thing, rather than succeed in doing the wrong. He'd fight you until he couldn't anymore, and then he'd keep fighting anyway. And so will I." "Don't do it, Merryk," I said to him. "You don't have to do this." It's the only way. "Because from here on out, I am him. I am Merryk Tzadur no more." Merryk willed his soul closer to the orb of astral devastation, taking all of its power. His soul was shredded and his mind went quiet. He sacrificed himself to dispel the orb. I was in complete control. "What is this?" asked Addar, looking to a scowling al-Wasat. "I am Kyanan Thundertoker," I said. "Kept you waiting, huh? Father, you really want my body so badly that you had to go and make me a new one? Honestly, it's getting creepy. It's a pleasure to deny you again. And Al? Go fuck yourself. I'm done with both of you." "And what of the world you left to rot?" asked al-Wasat. "I'' didn't. In honour of Merryk, if I ever find a way to save that world, I will. But it's not my responsibility. This is the end of our partnership. There are no more strings on me." "No! This isn't over!" Once more, the ghostly flames spread from the hands of Death. "Yes. It is." I broke my wand in half and an explosion sent me flying backward. When I regained conciousness, I saw that al-Wasat and my father had vanished. My connection to them was severed. I picked up the pieces of my dad's horn and continued after my companions. 172nd Day of the Year I could really go for a roll and a bowl. Is that halfling town on the way to Thunder Lake? I don't think so. I should write a song called the Ballad of Two Kyanans. 174th Day of the Year I got to Thunder Lake. It's a mess. I couldn't find their trail, so I prayed to the Bard. The ground started to glow and I was transported to OakensPatch. Everybody else was just teleported there as well. I explain everything that happened to me. We've picked up a "Unicorn Wizard" and I feel like it's reasonable for me to be cautious. I read up on current events on the tablet. We might take a dragon to Monument Village, since they aren't responding via tablet and we're supposed to be sending all of our forces there. Apparently, Frankenstein has been taking eye stalks from other beholders. I wasn't allowed to go appeal to the dragon, just because I asked if she was hot. I went and conjured a soot-sprite. This time, it ddn't run away from me. It's good to be myself. 175th Day of the Year I sneaked in to hand out with the dragon, Levash. Turns out, the dragon is jailbait. She said I should come back in about a century when she's mature. So, that's cool. But, I'm not sure if I'll live that long. My current body was no spring chicken, but then it spent melinnia in a state of immortality. Now, I'm back in a world where death works (and where Death himself has a hate-boner for me), so what's going to happen to me? Rapid aging? Continued aging from where Merryk left off? I don't know. I may have to look into ways to mitigate whatever the side-effects of all of this are. Ii wonder if that thing called the Chronic could help at all. 176th Day of the Year We moved out the next day. We teleported and were confronted by a Frankenstein'd storm giant. We defeated him handily. Billy smacked its ass back to death. We gathered all the forces we could and marched on Frankenstein. There was much calamity and Olivia sacrificed herself to fix a trebuchet, but we emerged victorious. Poor Olivia was turned to dust. Miasma was still pouring from the cave, but we figured the assembled forces could take care of it. We discuss transporting Olivia's ashes to her grandparents, but we decide to wait until we have more cause to go to Tenderpork. Despite my misgivings and bitching, the other takes dragon eggs back to OakensPatch with us. 177th Day of the Year (Mid-Summer) The miasma was coming from a machine powered by a modded gorgon bladder, like the one Scales used to carry around. We teleport back to OakensPatch to cheers. I get carried off to the tavern. I play ''The Monster Who Made Monsters and Ode to Olivia. I choke down some whiskey. My new taste buds haven't had a chance to acquire the taste. The ladies loved my performance. I took four of them up to the room for a good time. Afterwards, I stumble out and falldown pantsless. I dragged myself to the tablet, see Billy, and ask him to help me to the board. He moved it farther away. "Take me back to the bar, Billy!" He left. I passed out. 178th Day of the Year I awoke to some children poking my balls with sticks. "That tickles. I thought we were done with that game. Whoah!" I backed away from the kids and went to find my pants. I bought some lamellar, which I had to explain to the blacksmith, but he got it in the end. I went to the general store and was confronted by that genasi sand-spitting bastard from that resistance bar in the other world. I think I knew him from Orthos, too. Alternate universe equivalents brought on from convergence contamination? A coincidence. Regardless, I was filled with hatred toward him. I sold my father's horn pieces for scrap metal, basically, but not before I siphoned off its residual energy from it into my nondescript wand that I had been using previosuly. I told the genasi that unicorn horn could be ground into an aphrodisiac. There was a flash of light. I ran toward it. I wasn't about to have anything hurt the town so soon after our victory. It slowed down and stowed my sword when I was confronted by a hot, petite woman with blanched white hair that ended in black tips. I introduced myself as charmingly as I could, and she asked why I didn't recognize her. She said it had only been five years since the battle against Frankenstein. My bardic senses tingled. "Olivia?" She confirmed. She brought a gift from Odin, blue ysardian flayleaf. That convinced me. I was subjuected to uncomfortable feelings while we helped her get geared up and explained that it had only been a few days for us. I went to the tavern and ordered the entire bottle of their strongest beer. I drank it quickly, then went ot find a glassblower. I met a dragonborn named Fra'aud. I asked if she smoked flayleaf, and when she confirmed it, I told her that was "hot." Heheh. She didn't want to smoke with me, but I smoked some y-leaf and exploded my head. I rez'd immediately, as usual. I smoked one more out of my new one-hitter and then went to meet back with my companions. I felt better about everything.Billy got some metal knuckles and Olivia had a nice new stick. Olivia bought some super tight pants at the general store. You can see everything. Great. I stared at the genasi the entire time. Billy bought a bag of holding. Olivia rubbed the genasi's lamp and a marid appeared. His name is Bahamut, but he's not the dragon. Obviously. Apparently, the genasi's name is Allen. Don't give much of a shit. There's another flash. It's Pipes! We all surround him. He throws a potato at us, which I catch and pocket. Dinner later. He freaks a bit. We cast zne of truth on Olivia to confirm her identity. Or, that she believes she's Olivia. Pipes shouted something about potato soup. I shouted, "Get this man some potato soup!" After he had a bowl, he calmed down. He sayshe was only gone to the demiplane for a couple of hours. A gold dragon showed up asking after the eggs. Billy didn't want to, but I suggested that he comply, so he did. I'm all sorts of back. I revealed that I have snuck into universities before and suggested that I was the nude model. Olivia wants to be a vampire because she thinks it would be cool. Pipes has a trumpet now, apparently. Pipes asks me about songs of Heioran unity. I told him about the Song of the Last High Jarl of Heior. He wants to remake and update the song to inspire the Heioran masses to band together. Not sure if he wants a superstate or not. Will monitor. 179th Day of the Year We go to see the sotrm giants. Bird Buddy survived. We go to the storm giants' council. The Sapless One has fallen into a deep slumber. The giants are in need of a population increase, so I did what I could. I made 14 donations over the course of a day. Olivia's tight pants helped. Someone called me the Thunderporker. Billy gets a thaum barometer. 180th Day of the Year We follow up on a notice about a village northwerst of Midland. It was posted by a guy named Nathan. 182nd Day of the Year The village was mostly human, with the odd gnome or dwarf. There was a murder last night. We go to a chapel where we meet a guy named Elber. There is blood across the floor of the chapel. Woman on the ground missing a hand. I start to investigate, but Olivia casts speak with dead on the corpse and she immediately fingers Elber as the culprit. He bolted, but I commanded him to stop, and he did. I tackled him, but I couldn't hold him. Pipes summons a demon to hold him. It almost snaps Elber's nack, but stops short. He talks about his masterpiece. Our executioner gallagher's his head. Shadow tries to slide into the corpse, but Pipes stops him. He fixes Elber's head and Olivia casts speak with dead. We learn that the murdered woman's name was Maven. He worships Asmodeus. We learn where his house is and head there. We find a hidden door under a rug. We go down and find the masterpiece made of bones and hands splayed out. It's some twisted statue of some winged creature, maybe a dark angel. We found some totems that say "dada" in abysmal. They may be of Asmodeus before he fell. We find human guts. I go back upstairs and find a journal bound in human skin. Lotta ravings about basking in the Angel of Glory's light, helping hands to lift him up. He thinks if he completes the shrine, he can open a portal and become a divine. I keep the Journal of Elber. I got splashed with holy water while they were consecrating the space. It still hurts. I need to do someting about that. I got a skin of holy water. I'm going to try slowly purifying myself with it. 185th Day of the Year We came across a log not on a crossroads and we meet the original death. Death Prime, if you will. Jerk-ahl. Yarghoul. Yarall. Lotta names. He is letting al-Wasat keep his job, because he likes having the time off. And because he likes that al-Wasat hates it. He says I am deathless, whatever that means. A paladin in a village between here and Portland wants to depose al-Wasat and become the third death. His name is Kelmvore. He keeps asking Death Prime for help and he finds it annoying. He wants us to get him to stop beseeching him and admits that Kelmvore would make a better death. Magic is apparently dying out, but will eventually come back, as has happened before. Al-Wasat is actively not doing his job properly, hence all of the undead we've been dealing with. I asked him if he knew the location of the Chronic, and he revealed that there is actually a prophecy that the Chronic will depose the sleeping Chronus, god of time, and takeover his position. It is said that he will ascend and unlock time. The Land of Eire needs to be cut off from the Prime Material and we need to kill Death in Hades. After much deliberation, we decided to mantle Chronus and use his powers to go back in time and force him to give his powers up to the Chronic. We decide to conduct our business and meet back in OakensPatch in 20 days. 186th Day of the Year Category:Texts